Naming Harm Without Becoming It
Accountability without cruelty… expression without shame… and the responsibility we carry in how we respond
Beloved,
There is a conversation moving right now that is charged, emotional, and easy to get swept up in.
And I find myself less interested in reacting… and more devoted to how we respond.
Because moments like this do more than reveal what’s happening out there…
They reveal who we are becoming inside of it.
I understand the anger. I feel it too.
There are actions, words, and policies that have caused real harm, especially toward immigrant communities and the LGBTQ+ community, including efforts to restrict drag performance and gender expression.
That harm deserves to be named.
It deserves accountability.
It deserves clear, unwavering truth.
And…
There is a line I am not willing to cross.
What we’re seeing right now is a swirl of reports and reactions about her husband’s private expression being exposed and turned into public spectacle.
Let me be clear…
Expression is not the harm.
Clothing is not the harm.
Femininity, queerness, fluidity… none of that is the harm.
That belongs to all of us.
And this is exactly why this moment matters.
Because when someone in power has supported policies or rhetoric that target drag performers, queer communities, or gender-expansive expression… and then something like this surfaces in their own home…
It is tempting to turn that into mockery.
To point. To laugh. To humiliate.
To say, “See?”
But…
If we make femininity the punchline…
If we make gender expression the joke…
If we use proximity to queerness as a weapon…
We are no longer just calling out hypocrisy.
We are reinforcing harm toward the very communities that have been targeted all along.
Drag queens.
Trans and nonbinary humans.
Men who embody softness, beauty, or femininity.
They are not the collateral damage of this conversation.
They are the ones who must be protected within it.
There is nothing wrong with how someone chooses to express themselves.
There is everything wrong with building power, policy, or platform on the persecution of others for doing the same.
That is where the line is.
That is where accountability lives.
And we can name that… clearly, directly, unapologetically… without abandoning our integrity.
Because humiliation is not accountability.
And identity is not a weapon.
This isn’t about politics.
This isn’t about gender.
This is about humanity.
Our right to express, to explore, to embody who we are…
and our responsibility to be accountable for the impact of our choices.
Both matter.
And the feminine, in her truth, holds both.
She holds righteous rage.
She names harm.
She refuses cruelty disguised as justice.
And so I find myself sitting with this…
Should he be held accountable?
Yes.
For what he has chosen to support.
For what he has enabled.
For what he has remained silent around… especially if he is connected to a community that has been targeted.
That is where accountability belongs.
Not in how he expresses himself.
Not in how he embodies.
That is where grace and mercy live.
We don’t have to forget what either of them has done. We get to choose what we do with the energy rising in us now.
So I’ll offer this as a reflection…
What is one thing you can do today that actually supports the communities being impacted?
Here are some ideas…
Buy a ticket to a local drag show.
Donate to an LGBTQ+ support or crisis line.
Amplify a queer creator.
Check in on someone who may be feeling vulnerable right now.
Let your response become protection.
Let your voice become care.
Let your action become alignment.
That is the kind of power I’m choosing.
xxoo
